I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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