I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
