god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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