I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
