someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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