When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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