I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
