Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
