I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
