What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
