i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
