You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
