More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
