Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
