Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
