I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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