WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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