i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
