i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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