Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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