Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
