Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
