Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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