when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
