I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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