what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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