Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
