I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
