sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
