no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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