I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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