I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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