Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
