I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
