I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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