Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
