Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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