what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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