I hope mine doesn't look like that
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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