new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
