i don't like sucking hair
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
