everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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