The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
