i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Vodka?
Forever.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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