Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
