I smell stomach acid.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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