Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
