Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
