I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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