I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
