I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
