She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
