I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
