I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You are a genius and a whore.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
