Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
